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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23649415">Where does your anxiety dwell?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacexualien/pseuds/spacexualien'>spacexualien</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Belly, Belly Rubs, Breathing, Comfort, Competition, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Ice-Skating, M/M, Stress, Training, practising</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:08:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,490</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23649415</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacexualien/pseuds/spacexualien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Yuuri Katsuki being anxious about the upcoming ice-skating competition and Viktor trying to help him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Katsuki Yuuri &amp; Victor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Where does your anxiety dwell?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first Viktuuri fanfiction, so I did my best. Feel free to leave comments. :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> It was the last day before his first contest with Viktor as his coach. Thus, Yuuri Katsuki had been practising all day without giving himself a break. Although he felt his muscles ache with every step he made on the ice, he couldn’t stop training. He ran and ran, he danced and danced. He was clearly exhausted, you could see it in his face and the way he moved groggily, but he had promised himself to do his best to win this competition, so he couldn’t allow himself to rest. He couldn’t allow himself to lose and disappoint Viktor, with whom he was secretly in love. He couldn’t lose, he couldn’t let Viktor fly back to Russia and train Yurio instead of him. Yuuri gritted his teeth and forced a smile. He kept skating and after what seemed like an hour, he could feel his exhaustion by his throbbing heart. He stood still. His knees wobbled, becoming weak. He grabbed his chest, struggling to breathe. He fell to his knees. Viktor, who had until then been watching his protégé rather concerned, hurried to him. </p><p> Viktor stood with crossed arms. “Yuuri, you’re skating yourself to exhaustion.” </p><p> Yuuri panted heavily, startled that Viktor was able to let go of his flirtatious way of talking. He swallowed thickly. “I can’t stop skating.” </p><p> “I appreciate your efforts, but as your coach I have to tell you that you have trained enough. You’ve been on the ice the entire day without even having a lunch break. What you’re doing is not healthy, Yuuri.” Viktor had a stern look on his face, standing on the ice, akimbo. </p><p> Yuuri tried to say something but couldn’t formulate the words. He dared not to say anything, he couldn’t breathe. The fast pounding of his heart hadn’t stopped yet. He felt his pulse everywhere in his body, his anxiety evident. </p><p> “Yuuri, answer me. Do you understand that you can’t carry on like that?”, Viktor asked, a hint of worry in his voice. </p><p> Yuuri, who was now shivering from exhaustion, could only nod. Indeed, it was strange how Viktor’s voice could sound so different. So deep, so concerned. </p><p> “Let’s get you off the ice, aright?” </p><p> Yuuri was picked up bridal-style. </p><p> “You heart’s going fast. You should rest”, Viktor mused. </p><p> Yuuri felt his cheeks redden, despite his anxiety settling in his abdominal area. Everything became too much. He wanted to cry but he couldn’t. Viktor wouldn’t be able to comfort him anyway, as he was socially awkward towards other people’s emotional distress and didn’t know what to do and how to help. Burying his head in Viktor’s chest, Yuuri noticed how his coach stepped across the ice carefully, trying not so slither and therefore not to drop and jolt him. Yuuri tried to focus on the movements caused by Viktor’s muscles in the neck area, which he could feel flexing beneath his palms. Soon, he was seated on the bench next to the ice rink, Viktor sitting down beside him. </p><p> “Yuuri, are you okay?”, Viktor asked. </p><p> The black-haired skater nodded, wanting to appear strong in front of his crush, although he knew that his façade had already crumbled, his exhaustion being evidently etched in his face.</p><p> “You should not lie to me. I can see how your chest inflates and deflates at an alarming speed”, his coach answered, his voice laced with concern. </p><p> Yuuri didn’t know what to answer, he just knew that all his anxiety seemed to linger in one area. His stomach. It hurt. He couldn’t breathe. He panicked. The world around him blurred, Viktor’s voice growing distant. Eventually, he was consumed by a pitch-black darkness. </p><p> <i> It was the day of the contest and he would skate first. On the one hand side, that was optimal because he would have less time to worry, but on the other hand side, he would be the first one having to impress the audience. Being the first is tough. You had to be fabulous, in order not to be forgotten due to all the other performances. Achieving that, however, was difficult. Nevertheless, Yuuri Katsuki stepped on the ice and gave his best. In the beginning, he was a bit insecure, but he soon came to enjoy the attention he was getting and consequently became more confident. He even managed to smile while inwardly being concentrated. However, his joy didn’t last long because he messed up his quad Salchow in the second half, nullifying his chance of higher points. Turning his head to get a glimpse of Viktor’s facial expression, he immediately saw that his coach looked rather disappointed, his eyes closing, squeezing shut for a moment, opening again and meeting Yuuri’s gaze. Viktor’s face read “You failed”. It also read so much more than that. It read “I failed”, which was worse because Yuuri knew what it meant. It’s never healthy for a coach to take the responsibility of failure and Viktor wasn’t even a fully certified coach. He only tried his best to appear like one for Yuuri. Losing this competition would have a greater emotional impact on him than on Yuuri, who was used to losing because he had always lost all those competitions before the current one. Viktor, however, had always won his contests. How would he come to terms with Yuuri’s failure, that was ultimately his as a coach? What if he couldn’t manage? Would he fly back t Russia and train Yurio instead of him, Yuuri? Would Viktor really leave him? </i> </p><p> Yuuri opened his eyes, still panicking. He panted heavily, swallowing thickly. Viktor was there, he hadn’t flown back to Russia. Yet. The younger skater was scared that he would, eventually. However, right now Yuuri was lying in his lap. </p><p> “Yuuri”, Viktor muttered softly, brushing a strand of hair out of his protégés forehead. “You have finally recovered your consciousness. I swear, I’ve been worried sick.” </p><p> “I’m sorry for making you worry about me. I’m better now”, Yuuri answered, smiling weakly. He knew that he was telling lies and he sensed that his coach knew, too. </p><p> “No, you are not better. You are far from being okay. You have been training excessively, Yuuri. I know that you are anxious about the competition. I know that you’re scared of losing.” </p><p> As to prove his point, Yuuri felt his chest rise and fall. Rise and fall. He couldn’t breathe well. He felt his anxiety rushing through him, settling in his abdominal area. His stomach hurt. </p><p> “Yuuri, where does your anxiety dwell?”, Viktor questioned. </p><p> The black-haired skater rested his hands on his belly, trying to breathe. </p><p> Viktor glanced at him concerned. “Does it hurt?” </p><p> Yuuri nodded slowly. </p><p> Viktor seemed to ponder, then was suddenly struck by an idea. </p><p> “Breathe with me, Yuuri”, Viktor instructed him. “You have to make sure that you do it right. We all tend to do it wrong, me included. Thus, I will gladly teach you the art of belly breathing. When you breathe in, your belly should curve out.” </p><p> Yuuri wondered how his coach came to know how to relieve an anxiety-induced bellyache but soon he felt Viktor’s hand on his clothed stomach. “Now breathe in and push my hand away.” </p><p> Yuuri inhaled deeply, watching as Viktor’s hand moved up. As he breathed out, his coach’s hand went down. The younger skater inhaled and exhaled repetitively, mesmerized by Viktor’s hand that lay on his belly. It wasn’t solely a gesture of care but also a sign of obtaining possession, in a good way, though. He was surprised that Viktor cared so much and was actively trying to make him feel better. Taking into consideration that his coach was normally socially awkward in front of other people crying, never knowing how to react, it really seemed quite miraculous. </p><p> “Are you feeling better now?”, Viktor wanted to know, interrupting the comfortable silence that had developed between them. </p><p> “Yes, thanks to you”, Yuuri answered shyly. </p><p> “No problem”, Viktor said, his hand stilling on his protégés stomach. “Promise me that you will tell me about your anxiety sooner. We will breathe through it together.” </p><p> “I promise, Viktor, if you promise that you’ll never leave me”, Yuuri answered, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. </p><p> “How can you think that I would ever let you down?”, Viktor asked, slightly taken aback. </p><p> “I’m scared of failing because I don’t want to lose you. I keep having nightmares of me losing a contest and you leaving me and flying back to Russia to train Yurio instead of me”, Yuuri suddenly cried out. </p><p> “Oh Yuri, is that the reason why you had that panic attack earlier?” </p><p> The black-haired skater nodded, feeling his cheeks heat up. </p><p> Viktor bent down, whispering in his ear. “Do not be scared then. I could never leave you. And now rest. You'll need all your strength for the contest tomorrow.” </p><p> “I’m glad”, Yuuri whispered, smiling. </p><p> Exhausted from practice and crying, he fell asleep to Viktor rubbing his belly and humming gently. </p>
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